Number 10:
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9:
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8:
Men have two emotions:
Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7:
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6:
Some people are like a Slinky. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5:
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4:
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.
Number 3:
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2:
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought For 2009:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows, but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.
Bonus:
"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow."
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